Posted in:
  |   permalink   |   1 comment(s)

for real?

could it be true? is spring here at last? do the crocus and snow drops really mean its starting? seriously? we've got the windows open and the air smells so amazing. but, snow tomorrow wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Posted in:
  |   permalink   |   0 comment(s)

without words

the lovely miss lynda sent me a convo with a link to this:

i'm seriously speechless.

Posted in:
  |   permalink   |   0 comment(s)

my cup runneth over

yesterday shawn and i were talking about our weekend agenda. sunday is our usual day to visit gram but the last few visits have been not so great. she's been cranky, tired, generally un-lucy-like. i told shawn that he didn't need to come this week if he didn't want to. and he said, "but what if she's good. i wouldn't want to miss that." i didn't think about it much until this morning.

i was driving to a funeral, in the rain, in heavy traffic. i was thinking about the funeral i was headed to and thinking about grandma and it hit me, like a ton of bricks. i have the best husband ever.

and then at the funeral, reciting the 23rd psalm, my cup really does runneth over. i am a lucky, lucky girl.

Posted in:
  |   permalink   |   0 comment(s)


dear lucy,

when i was a little girl and having a rough time of it, for whatever reason, you would say, " its hard being little people." well gram, the fact is its hard being a grown up too.

yesterday when i saw you, i knew it was a matter of time. just like i've known you've been slipping away for months now. since grandpa died actually. i know part of your heart died then. you were never really the same. none of us were.

but now you're gone. and i'm afraid you took part of my heart with you. how could you not? last summer when you told me you wished that we'd known each other when you were young because you were just sure we'd be best friends, i knew that when i had to say goodbye it would be one of the hardest things i've ever done. because you are my best friend.

you were beautiful. you were kind. you were funny, sometimes unintentionally.  you were fun. and you were MY grandma. i have always thought i won the grandparents lottery. because i had grandpa. and i had you. and i had you both so much longer than any doctor would've predicted. and because of that i got to know you as an adult.

i don't know if you ever knew that i moved back from texas to be with you. you must've known but we never actually talked about it. that was 12 years ago and i've never regretted it. without those 12 years i would've missed out on our daily 5:00 phone calls after grandpa died and our many hours together. i would've never heard about grandpa's near tattoo experience after you discovered my tattoos or about the hockey player who was concerned about your virtue and put you in a taxi... i would've never heard countless stories. and i wouldn't have made you repeat the story of your meeting grandpa almost once a month for 12 years.

i know it was time for you to go. and i know you're with grandpa now. but tomorrow, when i would've normally visited you, i'll feel a little lost. and i may cry. but then i'll think about the people from outer space or how your first crush was actually on the back of a boy's head and i'll remember that i really did win the grandparent's lottery.

i love you. and i'll miss you. and you really are my best friend.

love always,


Posted in:
  |   permalink   |   0 comment(s)

sense memory

i got it in my head on monday that baking bread would make me happy. so, when i got up this morning, i baked.

i realize it was a bit crazy. we needed to leave for gram's wake, i needed to find clothes. but i also needed to smell that smell. in the worst way. gram was a bread baker. and that smell always reminds me of her.

at first it worked. the smell was intoxicating. and then it was sad. i really don't know what life is going to be like without her.

Posted in:
  |   permalink   |   0 comment(s)