her blog

a few nights ago i had a dream that i lost shawn in a cathedral. instead of waking up stressed out, i woke up smiling. it reminded me of the time i actually lost him in a cathedral. THE cathedral actually - at the vatican. unlike the scooter incident, it wasn't at all scary. it was sort of comical.

shawn has to stop and read every word on every sign everywhere. so, while i walk slower than he does, i am often miles ahead of him when there's learning to do. i read the bits i find interesting and move along. and that's how we lost each other at st. peter's. i got too far ahead of him and there are these GIANT columns everywhere that block the field of vision in almost every direction. because its a church, you can't just walk around shouting "marco!" "polo!" its possible people, you know, praying might find that disrespectful. the find your friends app? not an option.  it was 2003. iphones didn't exist yet and it was too expensive to get ONE cell phone to use in europe, let alone two. so, i found a central location and stayed put. i people watched and guessed who were just tourists like us and who were true believers. i could've done that for hours, happily, and i figured he'd have to wander by at some point. this picture is from when he found me.  he swears there were angels singing and harps playing when he saw me. i kind of doubt that. the angels at st. peter's have better things to do. we are jewish, after all. 

my new tattoo. it a portrait of lucy, my grandmother. the photo was taken on her wedding day. i think matthew (at the little tattoo shop) did an amazing job! i am convinced she'd approve. 

the project. still stitching away. happily. the numbers currently? 32 out of 49. i can only add ONE MORE PERSON to the list. i'm wiling to be that means i'm stuck at 49. we'll see.

this tin that emily gave me to add to my collection. i think the fact that i wimpered when i saw it may have helped it become mine. emiy's nice like that. also, no one wants to see a grown ass woman cry over vintage english candy and cracker tins.

this drawing an old friend did of me. i came across it the other day. the friend had mad drawing skills and did multiple drawings like this of me. i have a number of them. i think this may be my favorite though. 

there are a number of things that make me happy about this. its one of my favorite songs. its modelled after another youtube favorite. the kids are adorable. i think the uber-serious kid in the front row with the ER is my favorite. AND, the teacher must rock.

i am more by the i am more project

so, all week i've had a constellation of pimples on my forehead. this wouldn't thrill me under the best of circumstances but since i'm growing my bangs out, i'm especially unhappy. a constellation of pimples. on my forehead. so yeah, that's a blast. 

but its not just the pimples. its my skin. since i was 11 my skin has been a problem for me. i bounced from dermatologist to dermatologist, trying medication after medication. some that made it worse and some that made me sick. i spent a year in high school with stomach aches because the medication i was on was working so well i couldn't see not taking it. i tried herbal remedies and expensive skin creams. it came and went in waves. 

until i was 19 and developed rosacea. another parade of doctors and treatments.

its hard to say which was harder on me - the kids who made fun of me in school for having acne or the adults that would stop me on the street to ask me "what was wrong with my face?"

my skin has actually been much better since i left my day job a year and a half ago. (stress is major trigger for rosacea.) breakouts here and there. this one is by far the worst.

the battering my self esteem took has taken years to partially mend. and so, weeks like this week, it all comes back.

and then today i read this post by margaret cho. it literally took my breath away. even re-reading it before i wrote this post brought me to tears.

SO, 

WE NEED TO BE NICER.

we need to see the whole person. 

we need to not judge people based on their appearance. 

we need to not comment negatively on a person's appearance, even our own.  

we need to remember that we are awesome, no matter what we look like.

 i believe this to be true of all people but especially when it comes to girls. what we say MATTERS. girls remember. it will echo in their heads into adulthood. and everyone deserves to love themselves 100% so they can be 100% who they were born to be.

me? i'm getting there. i am so much freaking more than this constellation of pimples. let me tell you though, there are eight pimples in my constellation. if it doesn't go away soon i'm naming it.