saturday stats

for the week of august 26 - september 2:

exercise - of any kind: 5 times
number of smoothies: 3
number of glasses of green juice: 8
meals involving pizza: 1
meals involving piles of vegetables: almost all of them
i cooked: 4 times
letters written: 4
packages sent: 11
things made for cookoorikoo: 4
things made just for fun: 15 capes for lovebomb go-go
best thing i watched: enlightened. i watched the first season. so awesome.
books read: i started deathless by catherynne m. valente (still loving it)
days i wore no socks: 7
living room (and kitchen) dance parties: 1

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music monday

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falling

signs i'm seriously jonesing for fall:

i'm spending ridiculous amounts of time looking at boots. and knee socks.

i got all wistful at target when i saw all the school supplies. like a good grown up nerd.

i've bought a new sweater. its grey. of course.

i'm obsessed with finding new green corduroys - that fit.

i'm making things in fall colors. lots and lots of fall colors.

i'm dreaming about soup. 

and apple pie.

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wednesday words

"in art and dream may you proceed with abandon. in life may you proceed with balance and stealth."
- patti smith

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(no more) dressing room blues

i found myself in the dressing room at target today and i didn't hate it. most people wouldn't find this noteworthy but it is, in fact, a really big deal. to me.

i am a clotheshorse. or at least i was. i have a closet that is bursting at its seams and i don't wear most of it. many items are too big. some i've held onto hoping i'd find the time to alter them, others i just can't let go of. there's a black and white dress that i bought before my second to last rosh hashanah at the synagogue. i bought it hoping it would serve as armor, hoping that it would ward off inevitable drama. it was over $300 and it didn't work. i still really love that dress.

that was back in the days of disposable income and frequent retail therapy.  i occasional went out on lunch breaks and bought shoes. i often stopped on my way home on fridays and bought a new skirt for monday. maybe a new skirt would fix everything. it never, ever did. i was also gaining weight. food brought comfort in a way that shopping didn't. that made shopping more difficult - a tight zipper here,  a size increase there... 

so i would never try things on in the store. ever. because if i tried something on and it didn't fit, i would feel worse than i did before i walked into the store and my self esteem had already taken enough of a beating at work.

i think i always knew this but today i saw a cute blouse at target and thought, "i really like that but... what the hell size am i?" next thing i knew, i had five things in my arms as i headed into the dressing room. i knew i wasn't going to buy it all but i was curious and if i was going to get half naked for one shirt, why not? while i was trying 2 dresses, 2 blouses and a skirt on it hit me. i was looking at myself in the mirror and not hating what i saw. not even a little. it had been a really long fucking time since i'd stood in a dressing room, with their unflattering lights and mirror angles and looked myself in the eye. it wasn't awful. the skirt was awesome but too big and they didn't have my size. the dresses and shirts all fit but aren't quite my style these days. i returned it all to the racks.

i may not have a new skirt but i totally win today.  

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miss sixty

i have a picture of my mom that i love. not the one above although that one is pretty great too. anyway, the picture i am speaking of is from when i was little, maybe 4 or 5. we were at the lake with close family friends. mom was stepping out of a camper and making a face at the photographer that says "i will CUT YOOOOOOOU!" her hair is back under a bandana but down, the ends flipping just above her shoulders. she's wearing a shirt that i actually wore for years, many, many years later. i swiped it without her permission ages ago and made copies of, much to her chagrin. it is honestly my favorite picture of her. she is adorable and you can just tell by looking at this picture how funny she is. i love it.

she has made me PROMISE to never, ever post this picture on the internet. i won't. especially not today. because TODAY is her sixieth birthday. happy birthday, mom!

how am i old enough to have a sixty year old mom? how did that happen? my mom has always been so young.

i remember when my grandma turned sixty. she looked old. she was always awesome but she did, she looked old. especially since my grandpa never seemed to age. mom definitely took after him. 

so, mom, happy birthday! i'm not going to embarrass you on the internet today. i know you said no gifts but i figure you're probably ok with this one - and the one that will be arriving in the mail soon! i love and miss you and wish i was going to be there for dinner tonight!

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saturday stats

for the week of september 2-8:

exercise - of any kind: 4 times
number of smoothies: 3
number of glasses of green juice: 6
meals involving pizza: 0
meals involving piles of vegetables: almost all of them
i cooked: 5 times
letters written: 7
packages sent: 14
things made for cookoorikoo: 20
things made just for fun: garlic dill pickles
best thing i watched: the possession and sleepwalk with me
books read: i FINALLY finished deathless by catherynne m. valente (it was SO SO GOOD)
days i wore no socks: 7
living room (and kitchen) dance parties: 2

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music monday

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funny guy

i love mike birbiglia. he makes me laugh and breaks my heart and makes me cringe so hard sometimes i see stars. 

saturday night we watched sleepwalk with me. if its playing in your city, GO! if not, see if you can order it on demand. seriously. 

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wordless wednesday

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l'shanah tovah

rosh hashanah begins sunday night. i had to look that up. a few years ago, i could tell you when the high holidays were that year and probably the next. my life revolved around that calendar. 

i'll admit that i looked it up by going to the website of the synagogue i once worked for. i know, i know... but i knew it would be there and that i could snoop a bit into the current goings on. while i do, from time to time, hear from synagogue members who wonder how i'm doing, i rarely hear how the synagogue itself is doing. 

i recognized a few names and a photograph i took years ago on the website but that's about it. it seems like a different world from the one i spent so much time inhabiting. they've moved on. i'm not surprised. i have too.

not so much that i'd found a new congregation though. i've considered a few and i know i should join somewhere. unaffiliated jews, blah blah blah. it was the same song at every board meeting where membership was discussed. i believe in synagogue membership. i do. still, i'm wary.

so, sunday night while i'm not at services i'll be thinking of some of my favorite synagogue families. i'll be thinking about dorie and how we would sit outside the auditorium for a few minutes every single year, catching up from last year. i'll be thinking about eugene and all of my crazy checklists for him. i'll be thinking about JM and about how i would hold my breath each and every time he began a sermon, wondering if he was going to piss people off more than the year before. i'll be thinking of jamie and dinner at mrs. g's. for a very brief moment, i'll miss it and i'll wonder if i'm afraid a new synagogue will be just like BT or if i'm worried it won't be enough like it. 

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saturday stats

for the week of september 9-15:

exercise - of any kind: 5 times
number of smoothies: 4
number of glasses of green juice: 5
meals involving pizza: 0
meals involving piles of vegetables: almost all of them
i cooked: 5 times
letters written: 3
packages sent: 16
things made for cookoorikoo: 19
things made just for fun: tomato jam
best thing i watched: friends with kids
books read: i'm almost finished with telegraph avenue by michael chabon
days i wore no socks: 7
living room (and kitchen) dance parties: 3

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