music monday

yep. this is still happening around these parts. i'm pretty sure its not going to end anytime soon.

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about last night

i recently emailed kateri and said "the moth story slam is coming up. the theme is fathers. god help me, i may try to tell a story."

i have a really great story about my (step)dad and his extreme awesomeness.

earlier this year, we went to the story slam in seattle and they were begging people to sign up to tell stories. i may have done it that night if i'd had time to think of a story or, you know, drink all the booze. a friend told me that they'd also run short on storytellers at the ones in portland. i felt like my chances were good.

as i said, i have a great story. i practiced it a couple of times. i knew that no matter how much i practiced, if they pulled my name i was going to freak out and probably talk too fast. nothing to be done about that. i was ready to do this thing. finally.

last night, i put on a cute dress, my favorite giant ass kicking shoes, managed some pretty good hair and went to pick up kateri. she questioned me on ways she could help. did i want a shot right before? no? was i sure? yes. 

we arrived. i filled out the release form and we grabbed seats. we were there early so i had a lot of time to freak out. but i actually wasn't freaking out that bad. yet.

the show started and i just kept thinking, "i don't want to go first. i don't want to go first." i didn't get picked first, or second... by the ninth person, i was so stressed out from not getting picked that i couldn't even clap for him. and he was great. he actually won. sorry dude, i would've clapped but i was having an epic tantrum on the inside. what does a girl who is trying to conquer her stupid fear of talking in front of large groups got to do to tell a story around here? i mean really. 

before they announced the winner, they called the five or six people (whose names didn't get pulled) up to deliver the first line of their stories. so, i got in line. time to freak out. and sweat. like, within moments of stepping into that line, i was drenched and smelled real pretty. but then it was my turn and i stepped up to the mike and said my eleven words.  i caused a tiny gasp. i smiled and exited stage left. i even descended the stage without tripping on my platform shoes. it was a pretty proud moment for me.

kateri even took a picture.

 

    

and no. i'm not telling you the line. its sort of horrific and needs the larger story. also, i think i'm going to write the whole thing down and send it to him for father's day.

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wednesday words

petrichor. a pleasant smell that frequently accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather.

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front yard progress

our neighbor told me she thinks it looks "KICK ASS."

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music monday

pro-tip: this song is not conducive to getting out of the hammock and getting back to work. if break time is almost over, don't put on this album. learn from my mistake.

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wednesday words

what's your favorite word?

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hey universe,

cookoorikoo can be found in three new brick & mortar stores.

i've shipped many pixelparty orders and have made a pixelparty to do list. stars are on their way.

a friend thought getting sweaty at tap class with kirsten & i sounded like a fun way to spend her birthday. 

my friends shared some really great favorite words with me.

my friends are very funny. 

my parents sent an early birthday gift. a hammock. 

i got a really great letter.

i have blue jeans that fit. 

i've gotten some editing done.

i've gotten back in the habit of running.

i had a very big idea for another book and then possibly two more. 

i have fallen back in love with making yoyos.

shawn. he's great.

old friends have been on my mind. that's been nice. and maybe a little sad.

either way, i'm feeling incredibly grateful.

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music monday

shawn told me about this awhile ago and i kept forgetting about it. it was written for running. i listened to it on my run tonight and liked it. a lot. 

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traveling to oregon isn't easy!

did you ever see those words on your classroom's apple 2e? me neither. shawn tells me that the trick to oregon trail is to be the banker. although, since i've actually made it to oregon in real life, i'm less interested in winning the game. i'm pretty sure there isn't a voodoo doughnuts at the end of that oregon trail. who wants donuts when you're dying of dysentery? 

anyway, we'd already made oregon trail pins and cufflinks so i asked shawn if the vinyl guy we use for our logo stickers could do bumper stickers. sure enough, he could. the moment the stickers arrived, i ran out and slapped on on the car. so excellent. 

we often return to our car when we've parked it out in the world to find someone pointing and laughing or taking a picture with their phone. we've sold one or two right out of the car. a few friends have them on their cars. the crafty wonderland shop is carrying them. but, we've yet to see one on a car other than ours or our friends. there will probably be cartwheels. and possibly voodoo doughnuts. 

my friend cari (who has one of the bumper stickers) hooked me up with her friend doug, the resident historian at orhistory.com. they do a bunch of nifty stuff including a podcast and a monthly history night at jack london bar. doug asked me if we'd like to sponsor an upcoming podcast or come to their next event and maybe sell some stickers. HECK YEAH! 

mainly because i'm dying to see one of these stickers on a car that we don't know but also because history is cool. 

so, that was last night. it was totally fun. doug is hilarious and knowledgable and the place was packed. yay, history! plus, we sold a bunch of stickers. if you're in portland, you should go . it was really fun and you know, learning stuff is awesome. 

the bumper stickers can be found here. $1 from the sale of each oregon trail and don't be a dick bumper stickers is being donated to ethos music center and to the portland women's crisis line

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wednesday words

kerfuffle. a fuss; commotion. a brouhaha.

(thanks to everyone who told me their favorite words on instagram, facebook and twitter. this is the first of many, many words that i'll be embroidering from your suggestions. keep them coming!)

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music monday

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being ok with sucking

for the last couple of weeks, i've been trying to edit the book. i'd been working on it little by little all spring but everytime i did, it stressed me out. at some point, in an effort to force myself to just finish the damn book, i told twitter that i wanted to be writing book 2 by july. fuuuuuuuuuck.

so, i forced myself to work on it with the deadline looming. i had stress dreams on the days i didn't write. i was jumpy until i finished that day's chapter. it was no fun. seriously.

i did a million other things.  pulled all the weeds. combed pinterest for new salad recipes. (i wish i were kidding.) read all the books. came up with fun new projects. made jam. went away with each of shawn's bands for a weekend. yeah. avoidance was the name of the game and i'll tell you, i got skills.

this weekend, lovebomb gogo was playing honkfest in seattle. kateri & i took the opportunity to get the heck of out dodge and went along. we had a ridiculous amount of fun. i also admitted that i was avoiding working on the book and that i knew i needed to cut it out and get to work.

so this morning i did. i got up, wrote in my journal, went for a run, then read everything i'd edited so far. oh shit. those four chapters that i just wrote? the ones i mapped out back in november when i realized i'd made a terrible error in my timeline. yeah, those chapters. they SUCK. 

i spent a good long while thinking about that and trying to figure out how to fix it. they totally sucked. those chapters were awful. i don't know if i was still super sad about monkey when i wrote them or what but they sucked. i think i knew it all along. i knew they did and yet it was ok. i'd already started to fix it in my head and i'd remembered something important.

this was what tripped me up when i wrote my first novel. i developed a paralyzing fear of sucking. now, i realize sucking is just a chance to get better. 

i took some notes on my ideas on how to fix those chapters. i stared at the computer screen. i did the dishes. i fed my sourdough starter and harvested some lettuce. i did all the things but write. the entire time i was thinking things through. would my idea really work or would these chapters just suck again? i was pretty sure they wouldn't suck.

i also decided that processing sucking took a lot out of me. my brain was tired. i was pretty sure if i tried to write, it wouldn't be any better than the shit i'd already written. so, tomorrow i'll start to rewrite those chapters and i'll see what happens. fingers crossed.

oh and i think the rest of it, what i wrote back in november, is pretty good. huh.

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