dear lucy,

when i was a little girl and having a rough time of it, for whatever reason, you would say, " its hard being little people." well gram, the fact is its hard being a grown up too.

yesterday when i saw you, i knew it was a matter of time. just like i've known you've been slipping away for months now. since grandpa died actually. i know part of your heart died then. you were never really the same. none of us were.

but now you're gone. and i'm afraid you took part of my heart with you. how could you not? last summer when you told me you wished that we'd known each other when you were young because you were just sure we'd be best friends, i knew that when i had to say goodbye it would be one of the hardest things i've ever done. because you are my best friend.

you were beautiful. you were kind. you were funny, sometimes unintentionally.  you were fun. and you were MY grandma. i have always thought i won the grandparents lottery. because i had grandpa. and i had you. and i had you both so much longer than any doctor would've predicted. and because of that i got to know you as an adult.

i don't know if you ever knew that i moved back from texas to be with you. you must've known but we never actually talked about it. that was 12 years ago and i've never regretted it. without those 12 years i would've missed out on our daily 5:00 phone calls after grandpa died and our many hours together. i would've never heard about grandpa's near tattoo experience after you discovered my tattoos or about the hockey player who was concerned about your virtue and put you in a taxi... i would've never heard countless stories. and i wouldn't have made you repeat the story of your meeting grandpa almost once a month for 12 years.

i know it was time for you to go. and i know you're with grandpa now. but tomorrow, when i would've normally visited you, i'll feel a little lost. and i may cry. but then i'll think about the people from outer space or how your first crush was actually on the back of a boy's head and i'll remember that i really did win the grandparent's lottery.

i love you. and i'll miss you. and you really are my best friend.

love always,


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