dear blog,

i could tell you how sorry i am for neglecting you so... but i'm not. 

i've been writing. i've got nine chapters of book 3 done. i'm a long way from being finished but i'm getting somewhere.

i've been making stuff every single day. like i do. yoyos, you ask? a few of those, yes, for custom orders, and they've been awesome. but i decided right after january 1 to take a break from making yoyos except for custom orders. i marked everything way down in the shop and i gotta tell you, it was a good decision. i'm not entirely sure it was showing in my work but i was getting bored. so bored. and you know, i think my regular customers were too. bummer. but, i've gotten a couple of wedding orders and there's a few more in the works and they've all been really fun. i'm actually starting to think about a small "collection" for the late spring. we'll see. right now, i'm making whatever occurs to me or has been on my list forever. some skirts out of fabric from my stash, some embroidered pieces for friends, some for the shop, some just to see if i can. like this:

last weekend, shawn went skiing. i had planned to spend a lot of time laying around, reading and writing. but no, i was searching my pins and likes on pinterest for something specific i'd pinned ages ago, a hat pattern that i thought i might finally make. i never found it but i did see a whole lot of inspiring embroidery. so much i ended up making a board for it. i looked at kick ass thing after kick ass thing and realized, i love everything i'm embroidering right now but i needed a mother fucking challenge. i needed to make something amazing. then the idea struck like lightning. within an hour, i'd printed a picture from my instagram photos and was starting to sketch some of the basic lines of my face onto linen. i stared at it a long time before i started to stitch. i wasn't really sure i could do it. 

oh, blog, here's where i should also interject that this winter has been rough on my psyche. i've been sad. not constantly but a real lot. i've been plagued by creeping self doubt. with no good reason. although, depression doesn't need a reason, just a place to hide.

so, i wasn't really sure i could do it. even though i've been embroidering forever, i was certain i couldn't do it. but i told that voice in my head to shut the fuck up and went full steam ahead. i started stitching friday night and had to stop when i realized i didn't have the right floss to do my hair. saturday morning, i woke up bright and early and went to joann's where i got the side eye for holding skein after skein of rust colored embroidery floss to my hair. i brought my purchase home and got back to work. after hours and hours, hours i barely noticed passing, i was done. and you know, it is amazing. 

more amazing? by the end of the weekend, i felt like myself again. today, i feel great. the sun is shining. i've got a lunch date. i'm going to do some writing and some stitching and its all going be good. because life is good, no matter what bullshit my brain goblins were trying to tell me. 

so, blog, i've been neglectful but i really needed to just take care of myself. i can't apologize for that. 

love, 

me

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