grief is the worst (and makes you stupid)

before monkey died, our friend and shawn's former bandmate died. after monkey, shawn's aunt and cousin both passed away. too much.  sadness on top of sadness but i've been mostly doing ok. mostly.  

i am out of practice.

i was working a lot - that helped. then, got it into my head that i NEEDED to change all my shop photos and needed to do it immediately. what i really needed was a distraction so, i went with it. in 48 hours i took and edited 2500 photos, and then i spent a day replacing photo after photo in my shop. yeah, about that...

i know better. i used to work 40+ hours a week at a desk and computer. i haven't in almost 3 years. my body isn't up for that nonsense but i did it anyway. out of practice. last tuesday night my body said "fuck YOU." i had neck/shoulder/arm pain like nothing i ever experienced. i couldn't sew, type, write, wash dishes, stir food, wash my hair, put on my shoes. i spent 3 days in bed, whining and watching cartoons on netflix. i forced myself to go out twice over the weekend and each time i came home in tears. i spent sunday watching adventure time and trying to work. i worked only 15 minutes of every hour (one episode) and it went ok. i made a salad. progress. monday was similar - replace cartoons with 30 rock. tuesday, i did some more work, watched more liz lemon, left the house for tap class and a movie. no tears. more progress.

so, i work, ice, stretch, nap, try to do things around the house and try not to get to frustrated with myself for either causing this injury in the first place or for not feeling 100% yet.  i'm trying not to worry too much about my to do list - which includes things like returning texts and emails. typing sucks. typing this post has taken days. so, if you're waiting for a response, its coming. eventually. i promise.

on monday, liz lemon said, "everything is the worst." i hear you, liz lemon. i hear you and, this week, i agree. 

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Love you.

Oh Shana,
You poor kitten. That is so much for one person to deal with all at one time. Hang in there, kitty. I think you're special and great.

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