l'shanah tovah

rosh hashanah begins sunday night. i had to look that up. a few years ago, i could tell you when the high holidays were that year and probably the next. my life revolved around that calendar. 

i'll admit that i looked it up by going to the website of the synagogue i once worked for. i know, i know... but i knew it would be there and that i could snoop a bit into the current goings on. while i do, from time to time, hear from synagogue members who wonder how i'm doing, i rarely hear how the synagogue itself is doing. 

i recognized a few names and a photograph i took years ago on the website but that's about it. it seems like a different world from the one i spent so much time inhabiting. they've moved on. i'm not surprised. i have too.

not so much that i'd found a new congregation though. i've considered a few and i know i should join somewhere. unaffiliated jews, blah blah blah. it was the same song at every board meeting where membership was discussed. i believe in synagogue membership. i do. still, i'm wary.

so, sunday night while i'm not at services i'll be thinking of some of my favorite synagogue families. i'll be thinking about dorie and how we would sit outside the auditorium for a few minutes every single year, catching up from last year. i'll be thinking about eugene and all of my crazy checklists for him. i'll be thinking about JM and about how i would hold my breath each and every time he began a sermon, wondering if he was going to piss people off more than the year before. i'll be thinking of jamie and dinner at mrs. g's. for a very brief moment, i'll miss it and i'll wonder if i'm afraid a new synagogue will be just like BT or if i'm worried it won't be enough like it. 

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My prediction - it will just be different. Like comparing a satisfying movie you see today to a movie that changed your life years ago. You can look for what's the same, different; you can draw it out. But, you also can just have two different experiences.

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