sticks and stones

i am more by the i am more project

so, all week i've had a constellation of pimples on my forehead. this wouldn't thrill me under the best of circumstances but since i'm growing my bangs out, i'm especially unhappy. a constellation of pimples. on my forehead. so yeah, that's a blast. 

but its not just the pimples. its my skin. since i was 11 my skin has been a problem for me. i bounced from dermatologist to dermatologist, trying medication after medication. some that made it worse and some that made me sick. i spent a year in high school with stomach aches because the medication i was on was working so well i couldn't see not taking it. i tried herbal remedies and expensive skin creams. it came and went in waves. 

until i was 19 and developed rosacea. another parade of doctors and treatments.

its hard to say which was harder on me - the kids who made fun of me in school for having acne or the adults that would stop me on the street to ask me "what was wrong with my face?"

my skin has actually been much better since i left my day job a year and a half ago. (stress is major trigger for rosacea.) breakouts here and there. this one is by far the worst.

the battering my self esteem took has taken years to partially mend. and so, weeks like this week, it all comes back.

and then today i read this post by margaret cho. it literally took my breath away. even re-reading it before i wrote this post brought me to tears.

SO, 

WE NEED TO BE NICER.

we need to see the whole person. 

we need to not judge people based on their appearance. 

we need to not comment negatively on a person's appearance, even our own.  

we need to remember that we are awesome, no matter what we look like.

 i believe this to be true of all people but especially when it comes to girls. what we say MATTERS. girls remember. it will echo in their heads into adulthood. and everyone deserves to love themselves 100% so they can be 100% who they were born to be.

me? i'm getting there. i am so much freaking more than this constellation of pimples. let me tell you though, there are eight pimples in my constellation. if it doesn't go away soon i'm naming it.

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Comments

i love everything about this post!! and every single comment that followed. looks to me like a lot of people see who you really are :)

pretty honored to even be a part of this (that's our art!), so thanks. ox

i love you. part of what makes you so awesome, and so beautiful is the fact that you speak your mind. that is beautiful. you are one of my very most favorite people in the world. you inspire me with your blue hair and then your purple hair and your fun dresses and boots and your compassion. your humor lights up the room. your love and your capacity for connecting with other human beings is astounding. i love every facet of you, and this post is just one shining example of why. you are fucking extraordinary, girl.

You are so pretty. Inside and out!
You are so smart. This is so true.
You are so honest and valuable.

Lady, you are gorgeous, and I always feel lucky and warm and happy when I get to spend time with you. xo

Thank you for sharing your words, and Margaret's. I LOVE Margaret Cho, but I'm terrible at keeping up with blogs, so I almost missed that post. I have listened to her book on CD more times than I could keep track of because her trials really hit home. This stuff sure does stick. And it especially seems to stick to girls. I was teased for being "fat" by other kids, and lectured about being "fat" by some of my family members when I was young. Now, I am a full grown Glamazon Badass and if I even misunderstand someone and THINK they are calling me fat, it tears me right down. That stuff just bores right into you. Example: One night Hubs walked by me and said "Oh my god, you should see your butt." I assumed he meant it looked fat, and I sat down and tried not to cry. He was shocked. He asked me what happened, and I said that I guess I should probably try to lose some weight. Then he explained that he was pointing out that my butt was completely covered in cathair. Boy did I feel silly.

You are beautiful, and so am I.

you are stunningly beautiful inside and out!ilove everything you make which makes me feel beautiful too when i wear it. you also are a delightful tweeter. i envy your life, so keep shining on,xo,kerry

As father to a daughter, as a reasonably considerate person, as a man who enjoys the hell out of women on all levels and especially as your friend I'd say this is exceptionally well said, Shana. Keep kicking ass.

I have cheloid scars on my chest so I can't wear a lot of low cut things, which bums me out and I've always had them and it always makes me feel subconscious... so I know what u are talking about here :)

I THINK YOU'RE AWESOME. AND LOVELY! just sayin.

Hello my friend!

One of my coworkers has similar psoriasis/allergies/nonsense skin cycles to me although they manifest differently between the two of us. The best thing about it is that we understand when we see a flareup we don't say anything about the skin, it's not about the skin. The right question is "How are *you* doing?"

So how are *you* doing? Hugs.

Also I'm kinda disappointed that it is eight and not seven like the Plieades because then you could call it Subaru which would make you all cool and Portland hip. Can we pretend its seven?

I like you, constellation or not. we're all we have, but sometimes it seems so hard to be nice to ourselves. nicer, indeed...

Shana,

I love you. I'm sure a million people told you remedies...me too, I had horrible skin problems. Spirulina supplements were the only thing that ever ever worked.

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