i used to be the kind of girl who had her nails done every two weeks. i had long nails and had them painted red or french manicured. every. two. weeks. at some point i realized that it was a) a ridiculously expensive habit; b) silly because i was really hard on my nails; and c) not really me at all.
i spent a long time at my old job trying to fit in with the women who were members of the synagogue. i had my nails done. i had my hair highlighted. i dressed completely differently. i carried a FANCY purse. not really me.
at some point while i was still working there i stopped. i started dressing more like me (while always covering the tattoos) and stopped trying to fit in. i carried funky handbags and went back to dying my hair the red i loved so much but was completely unlike all the women around me. and i stopped having my nails done. by golly, if i was going to do this emotionally exhausting job i was going to be comfortable in my own skin. in truth, that comfort never really happened until i left the job completely.
i am a girl with tattoos and unnaturally red hair who dresses a little like a four year picked out my clothes. i was always going to stick out like a sore thumb in that community. and that's part of why i'm not there any longer.
HOWEVER, i recently re-discovered i like painting my nails. no red or a fancy french manicure for me. green. blue. and currently shiny, shiny black.
love. very me.