her blog

this morning i had to stop for gas on my way to work. i pulled up to the pump at one of the citgo stations near my house, slipped my debit card into the thing, and pressed the regular button. as i was reaching for the nozzle, diesel started to pour from the sky. onto me. a little like the pig's blood in carrie. yeah.

so, a man at the next pump went running into the gas station to yell at the attendant to turn off the pump. i screamed and moved quickly away from the downpour. i then darted back toward lola (my beloved scion xa) to shut her door. i then went inside the gas station to find out why it hadn't stopped. 

at this point i am soaked and freezing and thoroughly freaked out.

i am also really concerned for everyone around me.

the man behind the counter looked at both of us like we were insane. he then wandered away with the cordless phone in hand. he returned and told me i would need to MOVE MY CAR before the fire department came. WAS HE COMPLETELY INSANE? lola was standing in a pool of fuel. no f%&$ing way was i starting my car. he then wandered off again with his cordless phone.

i walked back outside to start, slackjawed at my car and wondered if my very own final destination moment had begun.

a fire department truck pulls up and a man in uniform jumps out, runs toward lola and then toward the building. i follow him inside and he's shouting questions at anyone who will answer. what happened? why wasn't it turned off? where was the attendant? he walked right up to the counter, yelled for the attendant and when there was no answer he went behind the counter, pressed a button and off went the pump. thankfully, he was just driving by and thought, "that's not right" when he saw the waterfall of fuel.

up pulls a fire engine and two police cars. the firemen give me a blanket. one starts asking me questions. they clear the lot and start hosing everything down. they needed to move lola out of the way so she was manhandled by 5 men which i'm fairly certain she enjoyed. they then hosed her down. i followed a police who was asking me questions inside where he and another officer tried to clear the gas station out while they told the attendant that he needed to lock up.

i went back outside with the police officer to finish up. he glanced at my bumper and then back at me and said, "do you make stuff? what do you make?" i said huh? he pointed at my etsy bumper sticker and said, "etsy. my girlfriend makes jewelry and i keep telling her to try etsy." awesome.

also awesome: i didn't catch fire.

there are many more details - some terrifying and some completely ridiculous. these are just the highlights and i know i sound flip but trust me, i get it. this was a big deal. i was, and am still a little, shaken up. there was so much yelling at the gas station. there was the smell. and the drenched clothes. and all the horrible what ifs. there were the conversations with everyone at work about what happened. and then a conversation with a lawyer at the urging of everyone at work. there was a shower, and the need for many more showers. then there's the gratitude for that fireman being in the right place at the right time. and more gratitude to the other firemen and police officers. 

i've said it before and i'll say it again, i'm a lucky, lucky girl.

i case you didn't know, i consider myself a lucky, lucky girl and my dad is one of the reasons i think that. he married my mom when i was 5 years old. he took on the role of dad with the greatest of ease. he was there through everything. brownies and marching band. purple hair dye and questionable boyfriends. teaching me to drive and walking me down the aisle. he loves shawn. he loves my mom. and he loves me.

two years ago, i had to have surgery to remove a lump in my breast. i held
off telling my parents until the surgery was actually scheduled. i was
fairly certain it was nothing and i didn't want them worrying about me
for weeks. i told my mom first. she said she'd tell my dad. when she did she
explained that it was probably nothing and that we don't have a history
of breast cancer in our family. he started to argue with her and
pointed out that his cousin has breast cancer and what about so and
so... my mom, puzzled, just looked at him. he had completely forgotten
that we're not actually blood related. i know, right? best. dad. ever.
both my mom and i are lucky, lucky girls.

i guess i've spent so much time longing for new orleans that i'd forgotten about my love of austin. being there was fantastic. i was worried that it would've changed enormously in 7.5 years. not so much. large areas remain almost exactly the same. las manitas may be gone but magnolia remains so breakfast tacos and migas were consumed many times. bookpeople is still as great as i remember it and amy's mexican vanilla ice may have been even more delicious than i remember. and seeing caroline and greg was awesome. it was hot and sunny and the sky is still enormous. its not something i actually think i could explain but there is a vastness that you don't get here, or really anywhere. i hope to see it again soon.

dearest diane,

everyone has heard from me about the many, many ways in which lucy rocks. i think its your turn.

1. you are generous. you told me a story today about a family in suttons bay. the mom, who basically ran their dairy farm, got pregnant in her 40s with twins. she was put on bed rest and with 5 sons and a farm to run, that wasn't really going to work. you went every morning and milked the cows and cooked breakfast for the boys. seriously mom, there aren't many people who would give of themselves in that way.  you don't seem to think it was a big deal at all.
2. you are funny. oh so very, very funny. my friends have always adored being around you. i remember when you met steve jay. he needed to get home and pack. it was late and he was supposed to move to boston the next day to be with jen. we went out for a quick dinner and he was just going to stop in an say hi and be on his way. 3 hours later, with tears of laughter running down his face, he finally left. he probably would stayed another hour or two but i forced him to leave, knowing what he needed to accomplish when he got home.
3. you're crafty. you have always made things, as long as i can remember. whether it was delicate crocheted lace snowflakes or stained glass dragons or the tiara i wore for my wedding, your hands were always doing something. i know that's where i got it from. nevermind that i was a late bloomer.
4. you're accepting. i was odd. i made up worlds and always had my nose in a book. i didn't like to comb my hair and once i began to comb my hair with any regularity i started dying it every color of the rainbow. i liked to climb trees and i had a mean case of wanderlust at a very young age. i was occasionally bratty and i was never normal. i don't think you ever really wanted me to be. when family would comment on the weirdness of me, you were unwavering.
5. you love horror movies. i have friends who were never allowed to watch horror movies. you knew that forbidding anything would just backfire so better you watch with me so i wouldn't get scared. a perfect mother daughter afternoon included movies like an american werewolf in london or creepshow. you also have a love of bad horror that i also inherited.
6. you love to read and you taught me to love reading young. you said one of your proudest days was the day i got my adult library card early - because i'd read all the kids books. you said i showed my new library card to everyone who would let me
7. you took care of grandma and grandpa. you made sure that they had everything they needed up until the very end - and even then you were there to hold their hands. i am more grateful to you for this than you'll ever know. and i know they were too.

these are just a few of the reasons i love you, mom. happy mother's day!

xo,
shay

dear lucy,

i can't believe its almost been a year. i never thought i'd survive without you. its not been easy. at all. but here i am. i think about you every single day. i don't think that will ever stop - at least i hope it won't.  its my memories that make it ok that you're not here and remind me that i really am a lucky girl.

love always,
shana