Dear Little Sister,

I know I'm not alone in feeling that something seismic is happening. That all these horrible news stories - of gang rapes, slut shaming, reproductive rights under attack, are a sign of things getting worse before they get better. I have to believe it - for my friends' daughters, for the many little girls in my family.

I have to be honest though. It's hard to believe. It's all just too much sometimes. Especially when #WomenAgainstFeminism exists.

Then, Confused Cats Against Feminism happened. Rape culture isn't dead, the patriarchy still thrives but I smiled a little. The same day I clicked on that tumblr, someone tweeted that this blog:  I believe you | It's not your fault: Notes from your big sister  and said it was the best thing to happen to the internet since Confused Cats Against Feminism. I clicked.

I took a couple of days to read the entire blog and it's amazing. I cried a lot. I was sad and mad and maybe hopeful. When I read this, I just sat nodding my head: "during those moments of female bonding that always seem to happen when you get a group of women together—the Yes All Women moments that had been happening long before Twitter or hashtags." I've had those conversations. Too many and not enough, I think. We all have our stories and the (not so) simple act of sharing them helps. It makes everyone feel less alone. It can help restore hope.

Most of the time I am incredibly grateful that the internet didn't exist for me and my friends, that things would've been so much worse. But maybe, just maybe, this blog, this tiny corner of the internet will make things better for girls (and boys) now. Because they are not alone and we believe them. 

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girl crush - laura bishop

we finally went to see moonrise kingdom last week. yes, it was wonderful and i had that fizzy feeling that wes anderson movies often leave me with. the thing that really got me was the realization that i want to be frances mcdormand when i grow up. (this is especially interesting because the last woman i had this reaction to was anjelica huston in a life aquatic. wes anderson has skills - he has given me two major style icons.)

she looked amazing in vintage lilly pulitzer dresses, heavy wool sweaters, vintage glass, canvas tennis shoes and raincoats and rainboats, as needed. she wore little or no makeup and had her hair in a messy braid most of the movie with the occasional headscarf. i'm seriously in love.

i own some vintage lilly. a friend swore to me that lilly pulitzer was exactly what i should be wearing ALL THE TIME. i find her prints so amusing that i gave it a shot. it never stuck. i always felt like an imposter wearing lilly, like only blonde girls who belong to country clubs and are tan can wear lilly. so, i was wrong. i'll give it another go.

my perfect outfit would include items like there: dress / raincoat / sweater / glassesrainboots / shoes / scarf. the best part? i already own a number of similar items. 

    

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(no more) dressing room blues

i found myself in the dressing room at target today and i didn't hate it. most people wouldn't find this noteworthy but it is, in fact, a really big deal. to me.

i am a clotheshorse. or at least i was. i have a closet that is bursting at its seams and i don't wear most of it. many items are too big. some i've held onto hoping i'd find the time to alter them, others i just can't let go of. there's a black and white dress that i bought before my second to last rosh hashanah at the synagogue. i bought it hoping it would serve as armor, hoping that it would ward off inevitable drama. it was over $300 and it didn't work. i still really love that dress.

that was back in the days of disposable income and frequent retail therapy.  i occasional went out on lunch breaks and bought shoes. i often stopped on my way home on fridays and bought a new skirt for monday. maybe a new skirt would fix everything. it never, ever did. i was also gaining weight. food brought comfort in a way that shopping didn't. that made shopping more difficult - a tight zipper here,  a size increase there... 

so i would never try things on in the store. ever. because if i tried something on and it didn't fit, i would feel worse than i did before i walked into the store and my self esteem had already taken enough of a beating at work.

i think i always knew this but today i saw a cute blouse at target and thought, "i really like that but... what the hell size am i?" next thing i knew, i had five things in my arms as i headed into the dressing room. i knew i wasn't going to buy it all but i was curious and if i was going to get half naked for one shirt, why not? while i was trying 2 dresses, 2 blouses and a skirt on it hit me. i was looking at myself in the mirror and not hating what i saw. not even a little. it had been a really long fucking time since i'd stood in a dressing room, with their unflattering lights and mirror angles and looked myself in the eye. it wasn't awful. the skirt was awesome but too big and they didn't have my size. the dresses and shirts all fit but aren't quite my style these days. i returned it all to the racks.

i may not have a new skirt but i totally win today.  

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wish list

a few days ago, i didn't realize that it was almost the middle of june. i was talking to kateri and she said something about birthday gifts. birthday gifts for who? OH WAIT. ME! my birthday is in a month. so, here's a few things i might like (in case my mom is wondering):

peacock feather hair slide

ugglebo victoria clogs

tumbleweeds cat eye glasses

wonder woman by lucky jackson

fuji instax and some film

handpainted clogs

the snooty bird bag

 there's the cookbook with the recipe for the cake i want to make for my birthday or a gift certificate to ureshii or modcloth - since i need some clothese that fit. although, if i make that cake the situation may not be such an emergency.

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powerful stuff

i could write a post about the intense stress level in our house. there may have been some fighting yeterday morning caused by that stress. FedEx did not bring something important we were waiting on and the to do list was looming. it was a rough morning. blah, blah.

but i had a haircut scheduled. a haircut i was in desperate need of. it seems going from purple hair to red is not, um, good for your hair. my hair, even when unnaturally colored, normally looks pretty healthy. so, a haircut. even though it was taking time away from the list. thank god for that. matt, my stylist, is great,  shawn made us both laugh a ton, and i forgot just how awesome a good haircut can be. if you're having a bad day, i highly recommend it.

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saturday stats

 

i have nothing to report. primarily because i cannot find my day book so i haven't been writing everything down. oh, who am i kidding? i've been bad since i got back from new orleans. there was pasta and bread and beer and oh, GOD, don't forget the tator tots. there wasn't nearly enough yoga. there wasn't any bike riding. there weren't any living room dance parties. there was thrifting though. there was some really great mail. there was also some "let's ignore the world and everything i need to do and stay in bed and read." it wasn't a bad week. i just know i can do better. and so i will. 

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in my bag

i had fun doing this last month. so, why not? from the top left: tarte lip stains, a made by hank pouch filled with pencils and pens (mostly papermate flair pens, my favorite), a notebook filed with PLANS, my day planner, satchel from target, my wallet, a pouch by danny brito with my makeup in it,  a small pouch containing black phoenix alchemy lab imps, my headphones, a nickel, peel and stick googly eyes (you know, just in case), is everyone hanging out without me? by mindy kaling (i finished it but was bringing it to a friend), 2 extra memory cards. 

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things i love tuesday


twinkle, twinkle earrings

stars. my doodles are almost always stars, real and imaginary constellations. i used to always wear a star somewhere on my person. i may need to get back in the habit. they make me happy. and really, if ithey're good enough for wonder woman, who am i to argue?

wonder woman embroidery

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music monday

a couple of weeks ago we went to see the nerdist podcast live show here in portland. someone in the audience asked chris hardwick when he knew he was different and possibly a nerd. i've been thinking about this question a lot since. when did i figure it out? when did i know i wasn't exactly like the other kids? i figured it out today when shawn & i were watching thriller. the first time i saw it i was in a group of kids and i shouted out, "OH MY GOD, THAT'S VINCENT PRICE." my friends looked at me like i had just morphed into a unicorn with hoof and mouth disease. rare, weird and maybe a little scary. 

happy halloween y'all! i hope your day is rare, weird and maybe a little scary!

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crush month - day 30

della rossa boots

frye daisy duke studded boots

old gringo sora boots

lucchese blue goat boots

vintage cowgirl boots

cowboy boots. for some reason i've decided i need a pair for fall. i had a pair that i'd gotten a rummage sale in high school that disappeared in one our moves. i wore them a ton over many, many years - definitely getting my $2 worth. these cost considerably more. and as much as i want one of the super fancy pairs above, i'll probably go with one of these more fiscally responsible pairs below.

 

        

ariat whoababy boots

      

ariat fat baby boots  

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